Beyond Her Grasp

I am a woman, 42, who three years ago married a wonderful man who will be 48 on his next birthday. I love him very, very much. The only problem is our sex life is horrible. Pretty much nonexistent. I can safely say we have had sex maybe 20 times in our six year relationship.

When I've tried numerous times to talk to him, he gets defensive and says, "There's nothing wrong with me." He also says, if I want to have sex, I should just say so. But when I make advances, he pushes me away thinking I am playing with him. Then he leaves the room. Of course I get frustrated, out of the mood, and give up.

I love my husband so much I don't make a big deal of it, although I know this is not normal or healthy. I can't get him to go to counseling or discuss this. I am at my sexual peak, and I am tired of dreaming of sex with other men. I want our relationship to work, but I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

Claire

Claire, you can work on planting a garden, you can work on your weight loss, you can work on your reading speed. But you cannot work on someone else's problem, unless they are willing, and failure is guaranteed when they tell you they do not have a problem.

Thoreau said, "It takes two to speak the truth--one to speak and another to hear." Your husband will not hear or discuss reality, the reality of the situation as you see it. You married him knowing he had this problem. Marriage does not cure a problem, it makes you a party to it for awhile.

Is this the hard lesson you had to learn? That you cannot marry a man with a serious problem and expect to fix it.

Calling Her Bluff

I've been with my boyfriend for four years, and he is going through the longest divorce known to man. His soon-to-be ex knows of me and told him she is insanely jealous. She makes my life complete hell by e-mailing him sexual innuendoes, asking him for expensive gifts, and calling him an average of 12 times a day.

I told him to cut the cord. If he wants to be with me, he has to protect me, be true to me, and make me feel secure in this relationship. We even tried counseling a few years back, and then he cheated on me with her. Many times I told him to get on with this divorce or I would be gone, but it doesn't seem to scare him anymore.

How do I get my point across to this man, and do I have any grounds to tell this woman to leave him alone and just tend to her children?

Paige

Paige, the one thing which may set you free is to look on this situation from a different point of view. He didn't cheat on you with her. She's his wife. He's cheating on her with you. You describe her as his soon-to-be ex, but "soon-to-be ex" is a term more likely to describe your future, not hers.

You threaten and threaten to leave, and you never do. Bluffing in poker may be good strategy, but bluffing in life is weak. Once your bluff is called, you've lost all power and all credibility. And counseling? Think about how funny that is. You went for relationship counseling with a man in a marriage to another woman.

Why do you keep plodding forward? Because you want to be married. There is nothing wrong with that. But you cannot marry someone who is already married. There is a simple solution. Don't give up wanting to be married, just give up married men.

Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 22, 2004

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.wayneandtamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: www.wayneandtamara.com.

Beecher taxi to O'Hare .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents

Internet browsers are useful, but they can be dangerous. Clicking on malicious links can direct you to dangerous websites that steal information or infect your device.

Apple's latest iOS update introduces advanced artificial intelligence capabilities, which may be capturing and analyzing sensitive information.

Breach site confirmed 56,904,909 Hot Topic users' data leaked online. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says the company's silence makes matters even worse.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how an innovative Easy-Way kit turns standard strollers electric, simplifying navigation for parents.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about T-Mobile being hacked in broad cyberattack on global phone and internet companies.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how to add, customize and manage widgets for quick access to apps and info from your iPhone home screen.

Wrong Google searches can not only compromise your device and personal data. They can also bring law enforcement to your doorstep. Hackers are targeting Google searches.

China's Shanghai Kepler Robotics has developed a new humanoid robot that can carry up to 35 pounds per hand for commercial applications across various industries

Checking your hearing has gotten easier with the new hearing test feature in AirPods Pro 2. You can take reliable hearing tests using your iPhone or iPad.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how a VPN — virtual private network — works and how running it can slow down the operation of your device.

The WalkON Suit F1, an exoskeleton developed to help people with disabilities, can actually walk over to a person in a wheelchair, solving a major problem.

ClickFix, a new scam targeting computer users, is on the rise in the U.S. The scam prompts its targets to click on a link to fix a problem.

Skydweller is the world's largest unmanned solar-powered aircraft that can stay airborne for weeks, and even months, without refueling.

The U.S. government said it is investigating after People's Republic of China hackers targeted commercial telecommunications service providers in the U.S.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Scammers are using increasingly sophisticated ways to lure unsuspecting victims, and some are impersonating an email help desk or support team.

You can unsend or edit your iMessages with the latest iOS updates. Kurt the CyberGuy explains how you can save yourself some potential embarrassment.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says there’s been a rise in cybercriminal services using hacked police and government emails to send subpoenas and data requests to U.S. companies.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how Axiom Space and luxury designer Prada are collaborating on NASA's Artemis III spacesuit design.

Voice assistants may cause confusion across devices. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers some solutions to fix it.

Shameless scammers trick veterans into giving personal info or cash. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explores five common scams.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson helps you honor our heroes with these powerful podcasts, audiobooks and documentaries this Veterans Day.

Beyond Her Grasp

Marriage & Wedding