Home
>
Marriage & Wedding
>
Control Issues That Cause Marriage Problems

Control Issues That Cause Marriage Problems

Have you ever been irritated because your spouse does things differently than you do? Do you get upset if he or she has different opinions and makes different choices than you would? If so, you have bumped up against some of your own personal control issues and triggers in your marriage. Here are three important points to consider:

1. Fear underlies control issues.

Control issues cause problems in many marriages. The feelings you experience at those times can be very intense and may include rage at the other person. Most people feel more secure when others around them mirror their opinions, beliefs, and choices. Your safety needs and fears contribute to your wanting others to be just like you. The old adage, "There is safety in numbers," refers to this primitive fear of standing alone.

Also, many people feel more in control when they can predict the behavior of others and when others meet their expectations. Then they don't have to experience the discomfort of growing, changing, or stretching themselves. Instead, they can pretend that their world is logical, orderly, predictable, and safe.

2. Thinking your spouse should be just like you harms your marriage.

Your control issues are also triggered by viewing your spouse as an extension of yourself. This perception can result in trying to dictate which clothes your spouse wears, how she wears her hair, who she is friends with, what political views she holds, and what she can or cannot do. While your spouse may initially make some changes trying to keep the peace, you are creating a parent-child dynamic in your relationship that will eventually foster rebellion and resentment.

3. Using insults and name calling are attempts to regain control.

While nothing sinister is involved in many control issues in relationships, pathological behavior can be triggered in some instances. For example, a partner who is angry that the spouse did not follow his dictates could become physically and emotionally abusive. The partner may think he has the right to "punish" the other person. Name calling and derogatory put-downs, such as "What a stupid thing to do," are often used to re-establish control over the other person.

It's easy to point a finger at your spouse and to state that he or she needs to change. It's hard to face your own unresolved issues head-on and take responsibility for how you need to change. As you become more aware of control issues in your marriage, the starting place for change is always with yourself and your response to what is happening.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available as an e-book at http://www.keepyourmarriage.com ,where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Nancy can be contacted at http://www.keepyourmarriage.com.

private aviation FBO ground transportation Westmont .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

FireSat is a satellite project designed to detect and track wildfires early, aiming to detect a fire that's the size of a classroom within 20 minutes.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reports that researchers have uncovered a Chrome vulnerability used in a cyber espionage campaign.

Preserving voicemails securely on Android: Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals easy methods to keep memories alive forever.

This phishing kit bypasses 2FA via session hijacking and real-time credential theft. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers four ways to stay safe from Astaroth phishing attacks.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses Joby Aviation and Virgin Atlantic planning to launch 200-mph U.K. air taxis linking airports and cities.

Fake Apple virus warnings, security alerts and messages are tactics used to prompt you to call a number or click on a malicious link. The CyberGuy explains how to protect your devices.

The combination of artificial intelligence and neuroscience allows a paralyzed man to manipulate a robotic arm by using his brain to imagine movements.

With the help of artificial intelligence, sophisticated fraud techniques emerging today are virtually undetectable to the untrained eye.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents

If you need to free up space on your Mac, consider deleting duplicate photos in your image library. Apple makes it easy to do, and the CyberGuy explains the process.

Microsoft is discontinuing Skype in May after 22 years of service. Kurt the CyberGuy addresses other options for internet-based phone and video service.

Tron 1, a Chinese company's two-legged robot, is versatile and can walk, roll and pivot, even on rough terrain. Tron 1 stands 33 inches tall and weighs 44 pounds.

Hackers are tricking people into installing password-stealing malware by making them press keyboard shortcuts under the pretense of proving they're not bots.

Saving the voices of loved ones can be a comforting way to keep alive memories. Kurt "the CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how to preserve voicemail messages.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

The FBI warns that some free online document converters load malware onto people's computers, making their private information vulnerable to attack.

Toyota's compact electric FT-Me is designed to tackle challenges of city living while offering an accessible and eco-friendly transportation solution.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says 23andMe's bankruptcy raises data privacy fears: Opt out, download and delete data now.

UBTech and Zeekr unite with AI robot swarms to make car manufacturing faster and smarter. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how the process works.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says Apple's Passwords app had a three-month phishing flaw from iOS 18 to 18.2 patch.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how this super-small electric mini-truck takes a big step toward production.

Artificial intelligence-generated images and videos that use someone’s likeness typically target women without their consent. The CyberGuy unpacks how to protect loved ones.

A humanoid robot developed in China has transformed from a nimble dancer to performing kung fu moves with surprising precision and balance.

To protect memories, documents and personal data, you should back up your information on personal drives, according to Kurt the CyberGuy.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents

Control Issues That Cause Marriage Problems

Marriage & Wedding